This, then, is what it comes down to: the end of everything that I have ever known, have ever loved, and have ever dreamed of. Every step I took, every battle I fought, every wound I suffered, was it but for naught?

I would hate to think so, but I doubt that is the case. It would be the irony that all I have done, all that everyone has done, has been for nothing. It boggles my mind to think that, that the end was coming no matter what, and we provided mere entertainment for…

For now, I will just call them the Enders.

The Enders, simply and obviously put, sought to bring about the end. Of what, I had wondered for the longest time, but I came to find the answer. And it was an answer I never wanted found, let alone wanted to be the finder of, after all.

It was the end of me that they worked for, and I was outmanned, overpowered, and overwhelmed. Who was I, but a mere boy, to warrant such attention?

Such hatred…

Malice…

Joy, as they saw my will to fight fading, as they saw me falling, as they saw the will to live slipping from me, like the sands of time through the hands of a lover who wanted just one more second, a mother who wanted to turn back time. Inevitably, the harder you try to hold on, the faster it escapes you.

It escaped me.
As it did, I let go of life, for I could no longer hold on. The Enders sensed this, and they renewed their attack, as if my failure revitalized them after the ages it seemed like we had been battling, a battle to claim eternity.

And apparently to claim my life, to bring me death.

I gave up, and let my sands of Time stop to flow, to let my thread of Fate be cut, to submit to death, once and for all.

I saw her there above me, as my body plummeted to the ground. She cradled my head in her lap, beauty absolute, my eyes burning just to gaze upon her. They took her from me, and it appeared that now I might be granted eternity with her.

Her hand, incorporeal as it was, combed through my hair, much as it had after relations when we had both been alive. The feeling, or the memory, I was not sure which, sent shivers down my spine, or where my spine was. Though I was still gazing upon her, the solar star that she was, I knew I was no longer in my body.

Death had claimed me, as it had her, and near everything I could have held, or did hold dear.

“You’ve done well, my bonny boy, as well as any could have done. Soon we will be together, forever, as we promised.” I was about to answer her, but her eyes bade me not to speak, but to let her carry me to the summer lands, where I would find rest. She was right, I knew that. No matter how much I had felt that this was too much for me, I did all that I could, and did what many would not have done.

I fought against impossible odds, and I gave my life, but not idly. I went down fighting, taking what I could with me. This, I knew, displeased the Enders to no, well, end.

As she leaned forward, her face reaching to brush her lips over mine, to let me taste the heavens once again, it all came crashing down. What was my reality was nothing more, as she faded before me, a silent scream tearing her visage into pain as she was ripped away.

As my reality was ripped away.

I knew, then, that it was not over. It never would be.

Rest would be denied me, and I would know naught but pain.

It started in the center of my being, the part that drops out of you when your world is shattered by an unfaithful lover, or the death of someone very close. From there, it spread to what felt like every fiber that made me who I was, shredding it apart, like the bark from a tree branch.

I was splintered, shattered, and finally broken.

I thought it was the Enders, giving me an unending agony for defying them, for daring to fight.

But I realized it was me, I was in control of my own pain, as I had been in control of my own life, once I realized it.

The pain, I enjoyed it, for deep down inside of me, somewhere that no longer existed, I knew what it was. It was the end, but not the one they wanted. It was my end.

I truly let go, then, and resigned myself to what was to come.

From my shattered body, lying broken and bleeding in an unbelievable crater on the world I left behind, that of the living emanated, well, something. I did not know what it was, other than the fact it made them fear. Even now, in pain unknown, so agonizing it was pleasure and then painful again, I could feel it.

The Enders, as that force radiated from my body, moving to cover the entire world, ran, pure and simple. Even they had the basic instincts of fight or flight, and they knew there would be no battle now. No, the only option left to them was flight.

But, inside of me was the power of All, Nothing, and Chaos.

In that moment, the world shattered, and existence ceased to exist. The Enders were no more, now had never been, and with my will working, would never be. The world was recreated, and would begin anew.

I am vindicated.

Once I saw that it was under way, I knew peace was mine. She would be born some time, and perhaps if I was lucky, the Wheel might see to place me in her life once more.

I could dream of that, and so I did, as oblivion took me.

::August 2, 2004 07:00 AM

.........................................................................