This past friday evening I attended a ritual for Beltane, conducted by my friends Tiffany and Eric. Well, it was more conducted by all of us, but they were the main two people of the entire ritual. To give the best account I can, I am going to start at the beginning of the day.
10am rolls around and the phone's ringing. I must've slept through my alarm again. By the time I am awake and out of bed, the answering machine has the phone call, and I hear Tiffany saying that she needs to talk to me, that it is a small emergency. Apparently Sarah's (Tiffany's girlfriend) parents gave us the screen-house they had, as opposed to the tent we needed for that night. So I told Tiffany I'd drive her up to Midland to pick up the tent, and that I'd meet her around noon, after my classes.
So by about 12:30, Tiffany and I are in my car and heading to Midland, to Sarah's parents. We're supposed to meet up with everyone around 3:00-3:15 to caravan to where we are camping, so we have just enough time to get to Midland and back with the tent. We get back around 2:45, I pack quickly, then take Tiffany back to her and Sarah's room, where they finish packing, then it's off to meet everyone else. Around 4pm, we make it to the land we were going to hold the ritual at, and camp out for the evening. By this time, I am starving because I didn't quite have time for lunch.
We set up camp with tents, and dig a firepit. During such, we all get rides on a four-wheeler, then it's time to eat dinner. After dorm food for too many months, having food cooked over a charcoal grill was like the finest steak over. I had two hotdogs cooked over the grill, and then two more cooked over our fire itself.
Some time passed, until around 9-10, then it came time to start the ritual itself. We gathered in a circle around the fire, and Tiffany, high priestess for the ritual, conducted us for what we were to do. I was giddy that I actually got a part, as the music bearer. Mainly because I made a cd for the evening the night before. Eric served as the high priest, and Sarah, Shanna, and M'jit were the fire, water, and incense carriers, but not in that order. I don't recall who had what.
I don't really remember much of the actual ritual itself, but I remember how I felt. I was charged with energy, and yet peaceful all at the same time. It was an odd feeling, but it was great. I've never felt anything like that before. And I was nervous too, for I am always unsure when venturing into new territory, and all of this is still new to me.
The part of the ritual I remember the most was the ring-dance around the fire, to the Huron Beltane Fire Dance and the Mummer's Dance by Loreena McKennitt. It was the first time I had ever let go of my insecurities about myself, and let the music and energy just carry me away. I danced. I moved. As I said, I was feeling peaceful, and I let the music just carry me away.
As I said, that's the only real part of the ritual I can vividly remember. It just touched me deeply. I remember, while dancing, looking up at the moon, the full moon. It was so clear, so beautiful, as if I could reach out and touch it. I believe I nearly tried to, once or twice, and though I knew I could not reach it, I felt it on my fingers. Or at least I felt something.
Needless to say I was moved. There's one thing about me: I need to see to believe. It's always been a flaw of mine. I can't just start believing in something, all the time. Most of the time I need proof. That night was proof enough to me. There was something in the air.
After the completion of the beltane ritual, we did another one, this one a bit more informal. It was a drinking ritual. Everyone has to make five boasts about certain things: a god, a goddess, a boast about themselves, a rememberance of those passed on, and a wish for the coming year. Each person, all 11 of us, had to make the first toast, and then we moved onto the second. The thing was, after each and every toast, you had to take a drink out of whatever you were drinking. And most of us had alcohol. So that was a total of 55 drinks taken, plus whatever was taken between people. I finished off three bottles in that time.
So by the time it was done, I was quite toastily drunk. Then came another dance about the fire, to the same songs. Not a ritual, but more of a just letting go. Which I did again. M'jit, Amber, Sarah, Tiffany, Eric, an Elliot all went shirtless. So I decided to do the same as well, something I've never really done in front of a crowd before. I've always been self-conscious, being overweight.
But that night, I let go. It helped that i was drunk, etc, but that wasn't the only reason. I was comfortable with this circle shared, with this new-found circle of friends. And so I danced my heart out, as much as I could without falling into the fire.
The rest of the evening is also a blur, due to the drinking. Other than the fact that it was DAMN cold. Sarah, Tiffany and I shared a tent, but we ended up moving to sleep in my car. Even there it was too cold for us three, so we went back to town, to Sarah and Tiffany's room, and I crashed on the floor there.
::December 22, 2002 10:16 AM
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